


Lilacs in the Spring

by pandorabox82



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-25
Updated: 2014-05-25
Packaged: 2018-01-26 12:32:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1688489
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pandorabox82/pseuds/pandorabox82
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Erin had gone to Rochester to lose herself in the lilacs there, never thinking that someone from her life back home would be there as well. JJ just wanted to get away from her life that was rapidly imploding. Will their connection last beyond one weekend in New York?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lilacs in the Spring

Erin sighed as she breathed in the heady scent of lilacs. It had been a long, hard, few weeks, what with the Replicator case ending badly, and she had needed nothing more than to escape her life, her work, everything. And she had done that by taking a vacation to Rochester.

"We'll gather lilacs in the spring again," she sang softly as she reached out and caressed the leaves of one of the bushes in front of her.

"Fancy seeing you here." Looking up, she met the large blue eyes of Agent Jareau.

"I thought I had picked somewhere I could be alone. No one else ever mentioned a preference for lilacs," she murmured, turning her gaze back to the blossoms in front of her. "Are, are you having a good time?"

"So far. Will decided to keep Henry at home while I took off on my own. I needed some alone time. We, we're taking a break at the moment."

Erin nodded sympathetically, thinking about her own breakup with Alan. It had hurt so much, knowing that she had driven her husband away, and she hoped that Agent Jareau was not feeling the immense guilt that she had. "Alan said it would be for the best if we took a break the first time I was in…rehab." She heard the soft gasp that broke from the woman's lips and looked back up at her. "We made it official the second time."

"I didn't know that." She reached out and touched her shoulder softly. "I was just planning on heading out to lunch. Would you like to come with me?"

Erin smiled a little as she nodded. "That would be nice." Together, they walked the few blocks to a small café, and while they waited for a table, she began to tap her foot impatiently. "Sorry, I get anxious in large crowds these days," she murmured when the woman reached out and touched her arm.

"I understand. I'm not entirely comfortable in them, either. May I call you Erin?"

"Yes. And may I call you Jennifer?" She nodded and Erin tried to relax her shoulders, to stop from fidgeting. "I never did thank you for taking that shot. If it weren't for you…"

"I would do anything to keep one of our family safe, Erin. And you are a part of our family." Jennifer slid her arm down her arm to hook pinkies with her. The gesture was sweet and it calmed her down for some odd reason. "So, why did you come here?"

"My strongest memory from my childhood is my grandmother's garden. Hollyhocks, irises, tulips, but above all, the lilac bushes stick out in my memory. When I was little, I used to play underneath them, breathing in their heady scent. Being an only child of an only child, I was allowed the flights of fancy that I engaged in during those springs and summers. I've tried to make it to this festival or the one on Mackinac Island every year."

"Couldn't you just have planted a few bushes in your backyard?" she asked as they were shown to a table.

Erin shrugged as she looked over the menu. She quickly decided on the California club and a strawberry lemonade. Setting aside the sheet of paper, she stared at the table. "Alan didn't really like wildwood growth like that. He preferred something more…manageable."

Jennifer looked up at her in surprise. "And you allowed that? I always assumed that…Sorry."

"No, finish your thought. You always assumed I had a stronger backbone, given how I treated you all at work."

She nodded and blushed a little. "Yeah. I guess I should have tried to get to know you better before I made assumptions about you. Sorry."

"There's nothing to be sorry for, Jennifer. I gave off the aura of impenetrable bravado, even when I wasn't feeling that way. And it bit me in the ass." Erin smiled up at the waitress. "Hi, sorry. Um, I'll take the California club and a strawberry lemonade."

"And I'll have the chicken salad sandwich and an iced mocha." After the waitress had left, Jennifer looked at her once more. "What if Will and I don't get back together?"

"You'll move forward, you'll love Henry, and somehow, you'll pick up the pieces of your shattered life." She accepted the glass of lemonade from the waitress and sipped at it, enjoying the sour sweet taste of it. "And someday, your heart will heal enough so that you can love again."

"Have you found love again?" Jennifer asked softly, staring into her cup.

"I thought I had," she said softly, her eyes moving to the pale patch of skin on her ring finger, where until recently the ring David had given her had rested. "In the end, we couldn't make it work, even after wanting to be together for twenty five years."

Jennifer was silent, sipping at her coffee as she processed what Erin had told her. Their sandwiches came and she nibbled at her club, finding herself not as hungry as she thought she'd be. The food was delicious, however, and she kept nibbling at it, hoping that Jennifer would say something that would make her feel like she hadn't been foolish in opening up to her. "Sometimes the wanting distorts our vision of reality."

There was a heavy regret in her voice and Erin looked up into her face. A frown marred her lovely features and she reached across the table to gently clasp the younger woman's hand. "Would you like to talk about what's eating at your heart?"

"I would, but why would you want to listen?"

Erin sighed deeply. "My meetings have taught me how much good talking can be for a soul. And I've learned how to listen, especially when someone is hurting." Jennifer blinked a few times, obviously trying to hold back tears. "Please, let me listen to you."

"All right, but not here. In the park again, while we walk?"

She nodded, finishing her sandwich and a few of the chips before savoring her pickle spear. Once Jennifer had finished, she settled the bill and then stood up, knowing that the woman would follow her. As she began to walk down the street, Jennifer caught up with her, walking close to her, so close that their hands brushed occasionally. When Erin went to move away, put some more space between them, Jennifer moved closer once more, so she just smiled and shook her head a little, accepting the soft touches when they came.

"You never told me why you came up here."

"Two of my favorite songs talk about lilacs. And I wanted to be here, somewhere beautiful, at a time when my heart was tearing in two." They turned off into the park and she stopped them in front of a large dark purple bush.

"Why is your heart breaking?" Erin asked gently.

"I married Will, even though I knew I wasn't really in love with him. We started our relationship based on lies, and when it became clear that I would never have the person I had gone and fallen in love with, I married him, instead."

Erin wondered who she had fallen in love with, as it seemed like it was someone they both knew, given the way she avoided mentioning his name. "We can't always control what our heart feels, Jennifer." Reaching out, she stroked the petals of one branch, sighing wistfully. "Even when we know what we want, even when we think we know what's best for us, we still have no power over our hearts."

To her horror, she began to cry as she thought about how badly things had ended between her and David. Jennifer reached out and clasped her hand tightly as she struggled to control her emotions. "I never thought we'd end up looking so similar, Erin," she whispered.

"Sometimes I wonder if love is even worth finding in my life, if it hurts this much," she whispered in return. Jennifer squeezed a little harder before starting to rub her thumb along the back of her hand. It was a gesture she had often used with her own friends and children in an effort to calm them, and she nodded, staring up into the cloudless blue sky. "I just wanted a spot of happiness in my life."

"I did, too." They drifted closer together, and Erin listened to the strained breaths that told her Jennifer was crying as well. "Sometimes, I don't think I was meant to have happiness in my life. I sought out a job that would constantly bring me in touch with the dregs of human society and I still expected to find peace and joy in my life."

"And our children just highlight how much we have to protect them from, and we worry about how we can keep them safe." Jennifer nodded, sighing lightly. "Do you want to go to the arts and crafts area now? They have some of the nicest things here."

"That sounds nice." Erin smiled a little as she led the other woman in the right direction, never letting go of her hand. The touch calmed and reassured her, and she tried not to think about why those feelings were being stirred in her heart. All she knew was that she liked being happy and at the moment, she was. Somehow, that was all that mattered to her.

* * *

A few weeks later, once everything had settled in the office, and Erin was learning to live on her own once more, without David or anyone there by her side, she realized that she missed talking with Jennifer. It was rough, moving on, as she had known it would be, but she had found some bright spots to her days in the flowers that started appearing on her desk. The first was a potted planter of Sundowner tulips. Then an assortment of irises, again, made to be planted.

She had a feeling she knew who was sending her flowers, even though there was never a card included. The types she received were too close to the ones she had mentioned to Jennifer during their weekend together at the festival. She was touched by the sweet, friendly, gestures, and didn't want to rock the boat, or scare the woman off. She so desperately needed the friendship that was being extended to her, and so she began to reciprocate, sending potted flowers to Jennifer, never leaving her name, either.

A soft knock on her door had her looking up, seeing the very woman she had been thinking of standing there. "Oh, hello, Jennifer."

"Hi, Erin. I was wondering if you'd like to come home with me this afternoon. Henry, well, it's his weekend with me, and I wanted to show him something that I think you'll appreciate."

She cocked her head to the side, glancing out the window at the bright sunshine streaming down. "It might be nice to escape the office for a little bit." Pulling out her purse, she stood and joined Jennifer at the doorway. "So, what do you have to show him?"

"You'll see."

The mysterious tone intrigued Erin, and she smiled at Helen as she passed by her desk. "Hold all my calls until Monday. And if it's slow, take off at four."

"Yes, Ma'am. Have a wonderful weekend!"

Erin nodded and followed Jennifer out to the elevators. Once they were inside, Jennifer turned to her, smiling. "Thank you for the flowers. I've been putting them to good use."

"I have, too. I really appreciate the thought put behind them." She blushed a little, looking down at the floor. Jennifer reached out and clasped her hand gently, rubbing her thumb back and forth across her hand. "Jennifer?"

"I, I wish that I had been more proactive since we returned from Rochester. I've been meaning to ask you out for coffee, to get to know you a little better. I just never found the time to do it."

Erin nodded absently, wondering what Jennifer was thinking. "I would have liked that. And there's no reason we can't do that now."

She heard the pleased breath that Jennifer released and smiled a little. "Great. Um, so, I… Look, usually I'm not so nervous about things like this. I, I…"

"You're nervous about getting in a relationship with someone new. Even if it would be just a friendship."

Erin knew that she was deliberately mislabeling what she wanted from the woman, but she wasn't ready herself to admit that she maybe could have feelings of a more intimate nature for a woman. She hoped that Jennifer could parse out the true meaning behind her words. "Of course, friendship is always the best place to start."

The hand around hers tightened, and the nervous feeling in Erin's stomach eased a little. The doors opened on the parking garage and Jennifer led her over to her car. "Jennifer, I really should drive, it would be a bit awkward for you to bring me back here."

"Oh, but you don't know where I live."

"I can follow you, you know. I'm not entirely useless." Jennifer blushed a little and nodded. "So, just wait for me by the exit, okay?"

"All right, Erin."

Smiling, she made her way up to her car, tossing her purse in the passenger seat as she slid in behind the wheel. A soft sigh escaped her lips as she rested her head on the back of the seat, looking up at the ceiling. "Calm down, Erin. This is nothing more than a really sweet friendship." Starting her car, she pulled out and met Jennifer at the exit, following her home and parking behind her in the drive. "So, this is your home," she said quietly.

"Yeah, Will will be by in about twenty minutes to drop Henry off. Would you like anything to drink while we wait?" she asked as she ushered Erin inside.

"Some water would be lovely." Jennifer smiled and led her into the kitchen, letting her sit on one of the chairs while she got out a pitcher of water and two glasses. "I love this kitchen, it's so open and airy."

"It's one of the things that drew me to the house. I was lucky that Will decided to let me stay here, to give Henry a stable place." Erin nodded, accepting the glass and sipping at the liquid. "So, what kind of coffee do you normally drink?"

"I'm kind of boring. Regular black is my standard." Erin fiddled with her glass, staring at the table. "Sorry."

"That's nothing to be sorry for." Looking up, she saw that Jennifer was smiling at her. "Would you mind if I brought you something I like in the mornings? You might like it."

Erin nodded, feeling another blush spread across her cheeks. "I'd like that." They fell silent, and Erin let herself become comfortable with the quiet, comfortable just being with the woman. Soon, the doorbell rang and they both looked up in surprise.

"That's Will already. I'll be right back." Nodding absently, Erin continued to sip at her water, needing something to calm her stomach. Her friend returned moments later, Henry running on ahead of her. "Say hello to Miss Erin, Henry."

"Hi," he said brightly, coming up and hugging her legs. "Momma got a new bush!"

Erin looked up at Jennifer quizzically, and she grinned as she shrugged. "I've taken a recent interest in gardening, thanks to the flowers you've given me. Come, let me show you." She held out her hand and Erin took it willingly, threading their fingers together. She nearly stumbled as she was tugged along into the small backyard. "I noticed that you liked this variety the most, Erin."

She let out a soft gasp at the medium sized lilac bush that stood in the center of the yard. Going over to it, she found that it only came up to her chest, and she reached out and stroked the leaves, feeling a few tears roll down her cheeks. "But you aren't sure that we're going to be anything other than friends."

"And friends do lovely things in honor of each other." Erin nodded slowly as she buried her face in one of the open set of flowers. "And, this way we'll always have lilacs in the spring."

"Yes," she murmured, feeling a swell of hope surge in her breast. Turning, she smiled gently at Jennifer. "Always, in the spring." Jennifer stepped forward and kissed her softly. She tasted of water and lip gloss and that ephemeral, fleeting, taste of the first blossoming of affection. "Do you have a blanket?"

"Yes."

"Good, grab it, please. I want to watch the sky with Henry, and you." Jennifer nodded and headed inside, while Henry raised his arms to her. She picked him up and cuddled him close, instantly reminded of when her children were that age. "And how are you doing, Henry?"

"Good. I miss Mommy, though."

"Oh, precious, I know. But sometimes things just don't work out between adults. She'll always be here for you." He nodded solemnly before encircling his arms around her neck, holding her tightly. Jennifer returned with a large blanket, spreading it out on the ground beneath the lilac bush and getting down on her knees. Erin handed over her son and then gently lowered herself to the ground, laying back and looking up at the bright blue sky. "Maybe we can talk your mom into calling for pizza later, Henry."

"Yeah!" Looking over at Jennifer, she smiled sweetly, relieved to see her smile back.

"I take it that means you're staying?"

"At least through supper. New friends don't spend the night this soon." Jennifer nodded and reached over for her hand. Erin let her thread their fingers together as she looked back up at the sky, suddenly looking forward to next spring, when there would be lilacs once more in her life.


End file.
